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It's game 7 of the NBA finals and a man makes his way to his seat at center court. He sits down and notices that the seat next to him is empty. He leans over and asks his neighbor if someone is sitting there. He responds, "No, the seat's empty." "The first man exclaims, "What?!? Who in their right mind would have a seat like this for the NBA finals and not use it?" The neighbor responds, "Well the seat is mine, but my wife passed away and this is the first NBA finals we haven't been together." The first man responds," I'm sorry to hear that. Wasn't there anyone else, a friend or relative, that could've taken that seat?" The neighbor responds, "No, they're all at the funeral."
Golfer: "I'd move heaven & earth to break 100 on this course." Caddy: "Try heaven; you've already moved most of the earth."
A Giants fan, a Padre fan, and a Dodger fan are climbing a mountain and arguing about who loves his team more. The Padre fan insists he's the most loyal. "This is for San Diego!" he yells and jumps off the side of the mountain. Not to be outdone, the Giants fan is next to profess his love for his team. He yells, "This is for San Francisco!" and pushes the Dodger fan off the mountain.
If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you!
How many snowboarders does it take to screw in a lightbulb? 50: 3 to die trying, 1 to actually pull it off, and 46 other to say, "man, I could do that!"
Reaching the end of a job interview, the Human Resources Officer asks a young engineer fresh out of the Massachusetts Institute of Technology, "And what starting salary are you looking for?" The engineer replies, "In the region of $125,000 a year, depending on the benefits package." The interviewer inquires, "Well, what would you say to a package of five weeks vacation, 14 paid holidays, full medical and dental, company matching retirement fund to 50% of salary, and a company car leased every two years, say, a red Corvette?" The engineer sits up straight and says, "Wow! Are you kidding?" The interviewer replies, "Yeah, but you started it."
I named my hard drive "dat ass," so once a month my computer asks if I want to "back dat ass up."
A man hasn't been feeling well, so he goes to his doctor for a complete checkup. Afterward, the doctor comes out with the results. "I'm afraid I have some very bad news," the doctor says. "You're dying, and you don't have much time left." "Oh, that's terrible!" says the man. "How long have I got?" "Ten," the doctor says sadly. "Ten?" the man asks. "Ten what? Months? Weeks? What?!" "Nine..."
A child asked his father, "How were people born?" So his father said, "Adam and Eve made babies, then their babies became adults and made babies, and so on." The child then went to his mother, asked her the same question and she told him, "We were monkeys then we evolved to become like we are now." The child ran back to his father and said, "You lied to me!" His father replied, "No, your mom was talking about her side of the family."
A Spanish captain was walking on his ship when a soldier rushes to him and exclaims, "An enemy ship is approaching us!" The captain replies calmly, "Go get my red shirt." The soldier gets the shirt for the captain. The enemy ship comes in and heavy rounds of fire are exchanged. Finally, the Spaniards win. The soldier asks, "Congrats sir, but why the red shirt?" The captain replies, "If I got injured, my blood shouldn't be seen, as I didn't want my men to lose hope." Just then, another soldier runs up and says, "Sir, we just spotted another twenty enemy ships!" The captain calmly replies, "Go bring my yellow pants."
Q: How many politicians does it take to change a light bulb? A: Two: one to change it and another one to change it back again.
China, Russia, and Poland venture to space. China says they'll go to Pluto because it's the farthest. Russia says they'll go to Jupiter because it's the biggest. Poland says they'll go to the Sun. Russia and China warn that they'll melt. They reply, "We'll go at night."

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黄山网站建设2017信息安全对抗大赛企业网站建设定制网站后台瑞星2014年中国信息安全报告构建网络安全方案信息安全加大监管网络营销教学中山营销外包国家网络安全人员图片 普通版本简介:陆有恒在陪女朋友逛街加班途中,撞到一根诡异的电线杆上重生了。重回十年前大一入学之际,平平无奇(俊雅清逸)的陆有恒只想通过前世记忆经验,合理安逸轻松地做个普通人。 装逼版本简介:数学分析习题中神秘遁去的“三”,开启了陆有恒的玄妙装逼之路,“鸿蒙剖破玄黄景,又在人间治五行。度得轩辕升白昼,函关施法道常明”的太上道祖,与陆有恒究竟有何关联? 这是一个禁忌的世界,这是一个被诅咒的世界。 谁晓岁月蹉跎过,那年他乡梦回头。 一把传承的剑,改变的不只是少年的命运, 还有大陆的未来。 一剑生死两茫茫,纵横九载又八荒! 传奇之所以是传奇,因为它永垂不朽。 我将用这把剑,去开创一个属于芸芸众生的无限伟岸! 吾名,李星陨!这一剑,可陨星! 既然这个世界公平正义无法得到伸张, 那我将拿起正义的长剑,代表法官, 挥向这世间的邪恶。 (纯架空文) 邮轮失事,流落荒岛,危机四伏,当别人还在因为下暴雨无处躲寻的时候,秦渊已经在庇护所安稳的度过。 当别人饿肚子的时候,秦渊已经吃上了烤肉,海鲜。 失事船长:“我们要齐心协力,走出困境!” 秦渊:“不好意思,道不同不相为谋!” 有钱人:“兄弟,我花钱买你的肉,就让我吃一点!” 秦渊:“钱?在这岛上,就是废纸!” 当红女网红:“能不能分我们一口吃的?” 秦渊:“少跟我装可怜,这里是荒岛!”“那个,学姐,我最近心里总是砰砰的感觉,请问我是不是得什么不好的病了?” “你说的那个砰砰的感觉,在哪里,对谁都是一样的吗?” “嗯,好像就是和同社团的前辈在一起的时候,有这种感觉……” “好!那就去告白吧!” “唉———”在这个世界里,跨界石,是一种神奇的东西。相传上古时期,轩辕姬得之,拥有掌控南北两极之能,所以控磁场,造司南。大禹得之,拥有排山倒海之势,所以治江海。? ?...... 而觉醒职业和灵器,是这里每人都渴望的事。 雪擎,一个被祝福和诅咒同时缠上的少年,即将开启一段传奇之旅...... ?(纯架空文) 邮轮失事,流落荒岛,危机四伏,当别人还在因为下暴雨无处躲寻的时候,秦渊已经在庇护所安稳的度过。 当别人饿肚子的时候,秦渊已经吃上了烤肉,海鲜。 失事船长:“我们要齐心协力,走出困境!” 秦渊:“不好意思,道不同不相为谋!” 有钱人:“兄弟,我花钱买你的肉,就让我吃一点!” 秦渊:“钱?在这岛上,就是废纸!” 当红女网红:“能不能分我们一口吃的?” 秦渊:“少跟我装可怜,这里是荒岛!”落云大陆是片修行大陆。 修行者们按照实力划分成了七个等级。 学徒、使者、执事、仙师、供奉、仙王、仙主。 等级越高,享有的资源分配越多、权力越大,高坐云端的仙主,拥有至高无上的权力-- 小白,嘿嘿(? ??_??)?加油在小学生女侠何在? “女侠在此!”讲述一个年轻人何晓娟重生回到高中的故事。
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